| It’s as old as communication itself. We hear one thing, add our personal history, biases and fears to what we heard and then interpret what we heard into something that is absolutely false. Worse yet, we keep that. We keep it in our minds, in our hearts and in our souls. We don’t allow room for context, for what the other person is going through, and later–what changes might have occurred since then. We allow wrong assumptions that are rooted in the past to dictate our future. We give those assumptions power over our lives. We allow them to steal future moments. And if this sounds deep and grand and maybe over-dramatic, it is. But it isn’t wrong. I know of a situation involving two old men. These two men were friends for years, decades. Like good friends. Like vacation together friends. One friend, through some poor life choices, a desire for the greener grass on the other side of the fence and, honestly, a little bad luck, decided it was time to try something different. Move away, start fresh type thing. He planned this for a couple of years but didn’t really tell anyone. As it got closer to zero hour, he realized he wasn’t quite where he needed to be. So he got busy, and probably a little desperate. He made some business decisions that kind of stepped on the back of the other man. Then he left. Neither man spoke again. The first guy’s exit and the events leading up to it left such a bad taste in the second man’s mouth. Left him with assumptions that the first guy just didn’t give a crap about anyone but himself and that he was willing to hurt his friend. The first guy assumed that his exit burned the friendship. Over years, they both became sort of numb to the pain of losing a friend. They both continued the narrative that the other person kind of abandoned them. The first guy in his exit, the second guy in his lack of reaching out once the first guy got back to some form of normal. They never reconciled. Some was pride–neither would reach out and bury the hatchet. Some was bad assumptions. Some was a lack of thinking that maybe the same time that numbed their pain could also be the exact thing needed to come back to reconciliation. The above story is a true story. And it is sad– not in a tragic sort of way but in an “it didn’t have to be like this and both parties would have been richer if they had just…” sort of way. And it plays out in countless other forms in many, many people’s lives. I have situations like this in my life. So what do we do? I think you have to really ask yourself if it is worth killing the friendship. That’s number 1. Second, you have to step back and try to be objective about what happened. Maybe you can’t. Maybe you need a current, trusted friend or even a counselor to help you step back and ask the questions that keep you blind. What was on man number 1’s mind when he misbehaved? Is it possible that the pressure he was feeling–even if it was self induced– was more than he could handle rationally? If yes, then you need to work on forgiveness if the friendship is ultimately worth it. If your answer to question 2 is no, he could have handled it, ask yourself this, do you ever look like you can handle something but the reality is you can’t? You put up a facade in order to appear more in control than you are. I’m going to guess the answer to that is yes. I think we probably all do or have done that. Sooooo, if you do that, is it possible he did too? If you’ve reached this point of enlightenment, do you want to punish him and deprive yourself of that friendship just because he can’t see it? Or maybe he can see it too. But you are both too prideful to admit you were wrong or you ASSUME the other person either doesn’t see it or won’t accept you back–that you really burnt a bridge beyond fixing. See where this is going? Stop assuming. Assumptions prohibit improvement. If the friendship is worth it, humble yourself. Assume you were the problem. Admit it. Tell your friend and give them a platform to reconcile. Even if they don’t admit they were wrong, who cares!!! Why do you need their confession to patch up a friendship? Go back to question 1–is the reconciliation worth pursuing? If yes, then you do your part. Shelve that fear, pride, anxiety. We get so many days and then it is truly too late. Jonathan’s deals of the week This week I am focused on homes that have come back on the market. First thing to note, there were a LOT of new construction contracts that have fallen through. Like, a lot. Kind of crazy lot. My best guess is that there was a home sale contingency or perhaps just a change of heart. I doubt it was inspection. It is possible that the in-house lenders did a poor job of prequalification. Anywho, this is great news if you are looking to buy new construction. I doubt they will drop the prices (but they might right now, we are officially declining) BUT they will offer concessions. And now, maybe more than they would have initially. So if you want to consider new construction–at all price points btw–let’s go look at some. Here are the deals I am looking at because they came back on the market: https://go.realtracs.com/1kmwlCi |
