| Trust is a funny human emotion. Think about it, we are fully independent, autonomous individuals and yet we have tendencies. Our partners, friends, relatives, society, etc. trust that we are going to do what we are supposed to. They trust that at any moment a fully autonomous individual is going to do what they expect them to do. We make plans, goals, etc. based on what we trust all the independent beings to do. It’s kinda crazy when you think about that completely objectively. Of course, most of us are trustworthy. Most of us are also creatures of habit. We do the same things the same way at the same times on a regular basis. We react to stimuli the same way almost every time. We are, inherently, pretty trustworthy based solely on subconscious reactions and behaviors. The fun starts when we change. When we do things a bit differently. When we DON’T react the way we always have. When we are proactive about the stimulus. When we go against the “norm”. We become unpredictable–untrustworthy. For some, having a person around that bucks the norm is fun. For some it is exhausting. For others it is completely unacceptable as they can’t make plans and don’t know how to live with them. Of course, this depends on what behavior the trust is centered around. Unpredictability on where to have dinner is very different from unpredictability on making large purchases or being faithful in a relationship. But my central question is this, can we really trust people? Like, really trust? I know what you are thinking, of course we can. If we can’t then what is our society built on? I get that. But my lowest moments in life are when someone else let me down. When the trust I put in someone was shattered. Not only did the event itself go wrong but I was devastated that the person let me down too. This is why it is so hard, if not impossible, to regain someone’s trust if you let them down hard. It hurts to be let down. It hurts to be lied to. It hurts to feel like a fool for putting your trust in someone. So again, and slightly different, can we or should we really trust people? It is more of a philosophical, rhetorical question than it is one I need an answer to. My current life situation says that there are only a small group of people I KNOW well enough to be able to truly TRUST them. I have enough experience with them to feel like I know what they are thinking and how they will react. And that is really the core of trust. Knowing ahead of time how someone will react to a panoply of stimuli. Some say you trust until someone lets you down. I get that. And that is probably the optimist approach. The pessimist says don’t trust anyone until you REALLY know them. It takes a very long time. The realist says trust with very small things a little at a time but never with big things until you have enough history for that to make sense. Candidly, I am probably more on the optimist side of this. I probably trust too blindly. Sometimes too naively. Often it is too lazily. My wife is probably somewhere in the realist camp. She trusts a little and then a little more. If you break it, she slides to pessimist pretty quickly. I think we make a good balance there BUT if I mess up, it is a hard road for a while. Understandably. Anyway, I don’t really have a conclusion to this. I don’t have a call to action or anything. Just food for thought. Humans are wild, unpredictable and untrustworthy. Be careful who you trust and what you trust them with. If you do need someone trustworthy to help on your real estate transaction, I am available! |
