So one of the simplest concepts yet hardest things in the world is to practice the whole “Kill ’em with kindness” thing. It’s hard because so often the people you are trying to “kill” are folks that have not been kind to you first. Sometimes they are cool and indifferent, sometimes outright mean. The hard part about being kind anyway is not coming across as super fake or having an agenda. So how does one do this?
Well, I think the first step is that you have to actually want to be kind. Simple, right? You can fake kindness. BUT if the person is perceptive at all or has any kind of negative history with you, it will be sniffed out immediately. The remedy is to actually be kind. Be genuine. Do you want to treat that person well? Do you think they deserve respect and kindness? If you don’t, you can’t be genuine. How do you get to that point? I think you have to start by acknowledging that everyone (yes, including you) has done something to put them in a position to NOT deserve respect and kindness. And ask yourself if you deserve to be treated well. If you say yes, and you acknowledge your own shortfalls, then guess what, that other person deserves some grace and kindness too.
After you set your mind right, the next step is to realize that trying to force your agenda with no acknowledgement of the other person’s agenda is going to make your goal unattainable. What can you offer in the negotiation that is beneficial to them and offsets the burden you are trying to place on them? Sometimes it is money. Most of the time it is not. Think. What do they really want? What can you give? Is it possible to give them more than what you are asking for? As an example, at the brewery, it costs us less to make the beer than what we sell it at (duh, that’s called profit margin). What if I am asking for a $500 item or service and I give you $700 (retail) worth of beer? You are getting more than you are giving. But my actual cost is not as great because I am taking my “profit” in whatever your good or service is. That’s a win-win!!!
The final step relates back to the first step and starts with this question: Do you believe in the value of each person? Do you believe everyone has a story worth telling and a value to your life? If you do, you can identify their needs. You can see how to be kind to them in the right way. Not just to get done what you want but also for you to feel great about it and for them to feel valued. I approach people, in general, with curiosity and a desire to learn about them and learn from them. I love the stories. I love their story. I believe I get more done because of this. AND it is not fake. I don’t love people BECAUSE I want to get from them. I love people AND I can identify ways to benefit myself AND them. I want to make their lives better and benefit from doing that. The last part of that is to be ok benefitting in different ways. Sometimes my only benefit is a great story. And I am ok with that.
Thoughts on this?
