| Big thanks to Missy for last week’s Monday email. I was struggling to get time to write one and she stepped in with a great message. As I raise teenagers and go through my own life, the old saying that you are the sum total of your closest 5 friends becomes more and more relevant. It is incredible how influential we can be and how much we can be influenced. My wife and I discuss this idea with our kids all the time and encourage them to evaluate the influences in their lives. It is so easy to pick up habits, sayings, attitudes and more from the people we spend time with. Much of the time, this is a good thing. We key in on the things we like and integrate those things into our own personalities. But sometimes we can let the bad stuff in too. We have to be able to have honest conversations with ourselves and ask if we like who we are and who we are becoming. And make no mistake, we are always becoming someone else. We evolve and change every single day as we accumulate more experiences and wisdom. I have had to make tough choices about my friends in my life. I have “broken up” with friends in the past and had to move on. It is hard. It is scary. It is sometimes necessary. Sometimes we wake up and don’t like who we are. We don’t see a way to change course because the people around us won’t give us room to change or evolve or grow. Maybe it isn’t even their fault. It is just part of the circumstances, the result of yours and their choices over however long. When we make the move to evaluate the influences around us, we have to be strong and honest. Are they the bad influence? Or is it you? Or is it the two of you when you are together? Are they willing to change? Are they willing to listen to your plea for a course correction? Is there another person involved that is actually harmful to both of you? Complication upon complication. Humans are messy. Our relationships are tenuous and complicated. They are further complicated by our lack of understanding of ourselves and our unwillingness to try to understand. So many of us just drift and accept whatever is in front of our faces. We have to make a real effort to understand and dissect our feelings, our influences and our connections. When we do that, we have the ability to be honest with ourselves and make better choices about who we surround ourselves with. People that make us better. People we can make better. People we can work with to make others and our community better. It isn’t cold hearted, it is self care and awareness. Friendships often form out of happenstance. Life relationships should be built out of growth. |
