| I’ve been reading some articles lately about how third places are going away. If you don’t know, a “third place” is in addition to home and work (or school), the third place you would be. These are gathering places. Free or cheap to be in. All types of people. Not a membership. Not a big bunch of requirements to get in. But also regular. Not a one time place. Part of your routine. Somewhere to “just hang out”. Some examples might include libraries, churches, bars, parks, malls, coffee houses. Sometimes restaurants but you don’t typically just “hang out” at a restaurant. You eat and leave. For decades, Americans reported “hanging out” for an average of around 6.5 hours per week. From 2014 to 2019, the number dropped to 4 hours per week (37% down). After Covid, the number dropped further and now sits around 3hours per week (depending on age brackets). Younger folks “hang out” less than middle aged. And less than their same age group 10 years ago. And WAY less than their same age group 20+ years ago. Interestingly, there is also some data on what “hanging out” is. It almost never used to include things like reading silently in public, listening to music on headphones or scrolling your phone. Now, even in public hangouts, people are isolated. So “hanging out” is not the same as “hanging out with friends”. Various things have contributed to loss of third places. Lack of use is probably the biggest. But right behind that is disappearance of those places. One would say the two go hand in hand. And typically this is true. But sometimes they disappear or are revised for other reasons. A park might lose that status because of a real or perceived increase in homeless occupancy. So a city removes benches to try to deter homeless vagrancy. This has the unintended effect of also removing other people that are just hanging out for a time. Maybe for a kid’s play date or something. Online shopping reduces in-person shopping, malls can’t sustain. Local coffee shops struggle as people choose drive through or national chains that make it uncomfortable for folks to just hang out. Alcohol usage trends change and this kills bars and breweries that provided a space to just hang out. Churches are losing memberships in record numbers. Many of them think the answer is to stream services but guess what, that plays right into the overall problem. I guess it’s better than nothing but it enables the exact behavior that is killing third places. All of these things combine with a seeming movement toward technology and in-person hanging out declines rapidly. What are the risks? Several. Technology does not, cannot and will not ever substitute for in person conversation, presence and togetherness. It can’t. Humans need contact, touch, proximity. Reported loneliness is higher than it has ever been. Ever. People feel more isolated than ever before even with the magnitude of tech connectedness reaching new heights every day. Small businesses are suffering, people are suffering. Kids don’t know how to “hang out”. Parents don’t either anymore. Businesses that dreamed of providing (and did provide for a time) these “third places” are closing in droves. We are trading them as a culture for our phones and isolation and meaningless, superficial “relationships”. With all this comes an erosion of social confidence and social grace. It inevitably leads to even further breakdown of the institution of marriage and family. I know that sounds overly dramatic but think about it. Where do we learn how to talk to people? How to tell a joke? How to flirt? And how not to do all those things. If we can’t do those things, and we have a growing feeling of loneliness as a society, what could possibly be any other outcome? Scary. So my advice to you, and your cousin and your momma and everyone else, find a third place and support it with all you have. Bring your friends, your coworkers, your neighbors. Insist on meetings in your third place. Make friends with others in that third place. Call and check on them when you don’t see them for a while. Make friends with the owners. Support the people that support your community. And never, ever, EVER think that an app can replace that third place. It can’t. You need it. It needs you. |
